Socratic Life

How can a parent help program their children while they are young so that we can enable them to succeed?

In thinking about and researching this question that was posed to me by a pupil, I found a few things that help create success in not only children but everyone.

1) A sense of wonder and curiosity

Children are naturally curious; almost everything in the world is new to them. From a worm slowly crawling across the sidewalk to jets flying through the sky. If you look at yourself and times gone by you were probably just as curious about everything as the next child. It seems that at some point in our lives we lost that curiosity. Now we seem to rush to get everything done. We rush to get our kids to the babysitter. We rush to get projects done for our bosses. Through all of this rushing we have pushed out our natural curiosity. Somewhere we have unlearned curiosity.

“The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the marvelous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery every day. Never lose a holy curiosity.” – Albert Einstein

Sometimes in our lives things become hectic and we stifle the desire for our children to learn. It is up to us to reaffirm and build their desire. It is up to us to help our children to be curious and learn from everything that is around them.

I found some great suggestions on http://www.babycentre.co.uk to help open our children exercise their creative tendencies.

2) Self discipline

All children misbehave at some point when they are young. This is part of finding out what appropriate behavior is and where they can stretch the limit to. The list of things that a child will do to test boundaries is only limited by their imaginations. The purpose for discipline is helping them to understand self control, a sense of limits and clear expectations for appropriate behavior. Sometimes we take this misbehavior as a personal insult. We believe that our children are trying to push our buttons and directly challenge our authority. Sometimes this may be the case but the reasoning behind this behavior is still to test boundaries and should not be taken personally. When we take these things personally we lose our temper and our own behavior becomes inappropriate thus enabling our children’s bad behavior.

“In reading the lives of great men, I found that the first victory they won was over themselves… self-discipline with all of them came first.” -Harry S. Truman

How can we stop this cycle and teach our children where the expectations and limits are and enable their own sense of self?

If you want considerate, cooperative, and flexible children, you should be their model. There are many styles of discipline. We all need to take a look at how we do this and what we can improve.

“Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.” – James Baldwin

There is a wonderful article written about this subject by Anita Gurian, Ph.D. and Robin F. Goodman, Ph.D. on http://www.aboutourkids.org

3) Good social skills

Studies have shown that children with positive social skills are more likely to succeed in school and in life. On the other end of the spectrum children with poor social skills tend to act out, show aggressive and violent behavior and generally can’t express themselves in an appropriate format.

Some of the things that children can learn at a young age to help develop good social skills are sharing, taking turns, expressing feelings appropriately, showing concern for others and learning to play. These may seem like very basic behaviors that should come naturally, but they are all things that we can all learn to do better.

A great source of information to give you ideas that will help you teach your children social skills can be found at http://extension.oregonstate.edu

“Developing excellent communication skills is absolutely essential to effective leadership. The leader must be able to share knowledge and ideas to transmit a sense of urgency and enthusiasm to others. If a leader can’t get a message across clearly and motivate others to act on it, then having a message doesn’t even matter.” – Gilbert Amelio

4) Family involvement

Several studies indicate that children are more successful in every area that their parents are involved in. Parents and families are the children’s first teachers. Just think about how many things that a child learns at home without the benefit of formal school. According to studies parental involvement at home and school boosts educational effectiveness and promotes all aspects of school rediness including math and language skills, motivation and social skills.

“The school will teach children how to read, but the environment of the home must teach them what to read. The school can teach them how to think, but the home must teach them what to believe.” – Charles A. Wells

The Michigan department of education has a great paper on what research says about parent involvement in children’s education. http://www.michigan.gov

Parenting is the process of promoting and supporting the physical, emotional, social, and intellectual development of a child from infancy to adulthood. What better way to promote children’s development than to invest yourself in learning how.

“Wisdom is not a product of schooling but of the lifelong attempt to acquire it.” ~Albert Einstein

 

What is it about the massive gathering of information that makes a person think that they are wise?

Is there more to learning than the gathering of data and memorization of facts?

Where does critical thinking fit in as an infinite process of trying to understand?

What is it that we are trying to accomplish through this understanding?

 

According to Russell Ackoff a system theorist and professor of organizational change, there is a hierarchy of content in the human mind.

 

 

David Moursund mentioned “Data, information, knowledge, and wisdom form a scale, although a rather peculiar scale. The points on the scale are not closely related even though they are often talked about at the same time.

 

Generally I would hesitate to try to convey a thought merely through definition.  I would however like to point out a few key definitions explaining the parts of our thinking system.

 

Data: Factual information (as measurements or statistics) used as a basis for reasoning, discussion, or calculation.

Information: Data that are processed to be useful; provides answers to “who”, “what”, “where”, and “when” questions.

Knowledge: Awareness or familiarity gained by experience of a fact or situation.

Understanding: To understand something is to have conceptualized it to a given measure.

Wisdom: Ability to judge correctly and to follow the best course of action, based on knowledge and understanding.

 

Robert J Sternberg said “I define wisdom as the application of intelligence and experience toward the attainment of a common good. This attainment involves a balance among (a) intrapersonal (one’s own), (b) interpersonal (other people’s), and (c) extrapersonal (more than personal, such as institutional) interests, over the short and long terms. Thus, wise people look out not just for themselves, but for all toward whom they have any responsibility.”

 

My argument is that the gathering of information and memorizing facts is not only not the entire process of learning but merely a first step to true understanding and wisdom.

 

Reading without reflecting is like eating without digesting.  ~Edmund Burke

 

The first step past the culmination of information is introspective thinking.  Reflection on ones self. Desire to improve or make a conscious effort to obtain ones best self.

 

He who will not reason is a bigot; he who cannot is a fool; and he who dares not is a slave.  ~William Drummond

 

If one does not perform this type of process, that of critical and introspective reasoning in daily life they are merely a slave to their surroundings.  How can we be otherwise when there is no desire to understand and improve based on our understanding?

 

The step past that of desire to change is to realize that there are parts of oneself that our knowledge and understanding can be applied to.

 

These parts are as follows:

Mental

Emotional

Physical

Spiritual

Social

Financial

 

We realize that the application of our thoughts and knowledge can be applied to each of these different parts.

 

Many of the different organizations and religions throughout the history of time have sought to enlighten oneself through the ability to learn and apply our knowledge to each of these areas.  Please let me point out a few of these groups.

 

Bushido (The way of the samurai)

As Inazo Nitobe defines it: Bushido means literally the military-knight ways – the ways which fighting nobles should observe in their daily life as well as in their vocation; in a word, the precepts of knighthood.

What characterized the samurai and supported their action and knowledge of right and wrong is what we now popularly call the bushido code or the seven virtues of bushido.  Some of the virtues are inspired by the teachings of Confucius and Mencius.

 

Te seven virtues of bushido briefly stated are:

1. GI – Right Action, Duty

do the right thing.

2. YUUKI – Courage

brave, courageous energy.

3. JIN - Benevolence

the benevolence that unites each human being to the other.

4. REI – Politeness or Morality

to have politeness, respect shown in social behavior.

5. MAKOTO – Truthfulness

to follow truly the Law of the Universe.

6. MEIYO – Honor

to enjoy a good reputation, honor.

7. CHUUGI – Loyalty

to act faithfully, to be loyal.

Zen Buddhism

Based on a single, esoteric idea: all humans have a Buddha nature inside them and to realize this nature all a human being has to do is search his or her inner self. The key to Buddhahood in Zen is simply self-knowledge. The way to gain self-knowledge is through meditation (which is what the word “zen” means). Now, “meditation” is one of the cornerstones of Buddhism, where, under the name dhyana , it forms the final and most important aspect of gaining enlightenment. But Zen (in Chinese, Ch’an ) or Meditation Buddhism granted meditation an exclusive importance not ascribed to it in other Buddhist schools. Meditation, which was a means to an end in other Buddhist schools, became the end in itself in Zen: meditation was Truth realized in action. As a result, Zen readily dispenses with the Buddhist scriptures and philosophical discussion in favor of a more intuitive and individual approach to enlightenment. Meditation, however, is a strict religious discipline: the mind must be made sharp and attentive in order to intuit from itself the Truth of Buddhahood. Part of this discipline involves waking up the mind of the disciple, making it aware of the things around it.

Christianity

The Christian life involves a number of different aspects. Among the key ones are

• Fellowship with God

• Our relationships with others

• Obedience to God’s commands

• Discipline

Christianity is about personal relationships: with God and with others. When Jesus was asked to summarize his religion, he said that it was loving God and our neighbor. Everything else is a means to that end. One of the most important terms for Christians is “fellowship”. This term covers our life together as Christians. This means first of all that we spend time together, in worship, educational activities, service to others, and just having fun. In addition to their primary goal, these activities help us get to know each other, and to develop into a community. The Bible refers to the Christian community using organic metaphors, such as a vine and a body. It talks about us sharing with each other and supporting each other.

 

The true test of wisdom is the ability we have to implement that which we have learned.  In looking at the former positions we start to learn that the object of esoteric thought is to gain self understanding and the ability to apply all that we learn.  We can understand why our object will always be self improvement and self mastery.

One who conquers himself is greater than another who conquers a thousand times a thousand on the battlefield. ~Buddha

 

He who controls others may be powerful, but he who has mastered himself is mightier still. ~Lau-tzu

 

Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power. ~Lau-tzu

I resolve that:
I think twice before I speak.
That when I do speak it will be gently .
That my thoughts of others are noble and just and to be cared for.
That I condemn no one.
That I help others help them selves.
That I give encouragement.
That I love beauty and hate vileness.
That I respect all others as myself.
That I develop strength and patience.
That I breathe with deep, healthful thoughts.
That I become filled with knowledge and all experiences.
That I love all of my fellow men and believe in co-operation and sacrifice.
That I will give my life protecting the chastity, innocence and purity of women.

That I have Honor no matter what situation I am in.

Brett Morris

Peter Clemens from PickTheBrain Wrote this Great article!

Discipline is freedom. You may disagree with this statement, and if you do you are certainly not alone. For many people discipline is a dirty word that is equated with the absence of freedom. In fact the opposite is true. As Stephen R. Covey once wrote, “the undisciplined are slaves to moods, appetites and passions”. And in the longer term, the undisciplined lack the freedom that comes with possessing particular skills and abilities – e.g. to play a musical instrument or speak a foreign language.

Self-discipline involves acting according to what you think instead of how you feel in the moment. Often it involves sacrificing the pleasure and thrill of the moment for what matters most in life. Therefore it is self-discipline that drives you to:

• Work on an idea or project after the initial rush of enthusiasm has faded away
• Go to the gym when all you want to do is lie on the couch and watch TV
• Wake early to work on yourself
• Say “no” when tempted to break your diet
• Only check your email a few of times per day at particular times

In the past self-discipline has been a weakness of mine, and as a result today I find myself lacking the ability to do a number of things which I would like – e.g. to play the guitar. But I have improved, and I can say that it is self-discipline that got me out of bed this morning at 5am to run and then write this article. Believe me, I would love to be curled up in bed right now, but this desire is subordinated by my inner sense of purpose.

If you struggle with self-discipline, the good news is that it can be developed. For example, it is only in the past two years that I have trained myself to wake early. The following are what I have found to be the five traits of self-discipline:

1. Self-Knowledge

Discipline means behaving according to what you have decided is best, regardless of how you feel in the moment. Therefore the first trait of discipline is self-knowledge. You need to decide what behavior best reflects your goals and values. This process requires introspection and self-analysis, and is most effective when tied to written expression. I highly recommend taking the time to write out your goals, dreams and ambitions. Even better, write out a personal mission statement. I found that writing such a statement gave me a greater understanding of who I am, what I am about and what I value. Dr. Covey has an excellent Mission Statement Builder on his site.

2. Conscious Awareness

Self-discipline depends upon conscious awareness as to both what you are doing and what you are not doing. Think about it. If you aren’t aware your behavior is undisciplined, how will you know to act otherwise?

As you begin to build self-discipline, you may catch yourself being in the act of being undisciplined – e.g. biting your nails, avoiding the gym, eating a piece of cake or checking your email constantly. Developing self-discipline takes time, and the key here is you are aware of your undisciplined behavior. With time this awareness will come earlier, meaning rather than catching yourself in the act of being undisciplined you will have awareness before you act in this way. This gives you the opportunity to make a decision that is in better alignment with your goals and values.

3. Commitment to Self-Discipline

It is not enough to simply write out your goals and values. You must make an internal commitment to them. Otherwise when your alarm clock goes off at 5am you will see no harm in hitting the snooze button for “just another 5 minutes….” Or, when initial rush of enthusiasm has faded away from a project you will struggle to see it through to completion.

If you struggle with commitment, start by making a conscious decision to follow through on what you say you’re going to do – both when you said you would do it and how you said you would do it. Then, I highly recommend putting in place a system to track these commitments. As the saying goes, “What gets measured gets improved”.

4. Courage

Did you notice the sweat dripping from the man in the picture at the start of this article? Make no mistake, self-discipline is often extremely difficult. Moods, appetites and passions can be powerful forces to go against. Therefore self-discipline is highly dependent on courage. Don’t pretend something is easy for you to do when it is in fact very difficult and/ or painful. Instead, find the courage to face this pain and difficulty. As you begin to accumulate small private victories, your self-confidence will grow and the courage that underpins self-discipline will come more naturally.

5. Internal Coaching

Self-talk is often harmful, but it can also be extremely beneficial if you have control of it. When you find yourself being tested, I suggest you talk to yourself, encourage yourself and reassure yourself. After all, it is self-talk that has the ability to remind you of your goals, call up courage, reinforce your commitment and keep you conscious of the task at hand. When I find my discipline being tested, I always recall the following quote: “The price of discipline is always less than the pain of regret”. Burn this quote into your memory, and recall in whenever you find yourself being tested. It may change your life.

I Really like this article.

Have you ever tried to challenge yourself by thinking differently?

…Relative question.

Have you ever tried to challenge your thought activity?

Really look at it and say. Hmmmmmmmm…………

What else is there?

This article is from the blog of Steven Aitchison. I would recommend subscribing to his rss feed.

It can be extremely difficult to focus on the good when, seemingly, bad things are happening in your life. However you can train your mind to focus on the good things in your life rather than dwelling on the bad. No it’s not one of those positive thinking articles that you’ve read all over the web and are sick and tired of. This is about changing the way you think, changing your thinking pattern. Do you use any of these thinking patterns in your day to day life?
8 limiting patterns of thinking

1. ‘Life is shit’ Thinking pattern –Everything in life is bad, everybody is not to be trusted and nothing good will ever happen to them e.g. “I won’t get that job, the interviewer didn’t like me, I didn’t particularly like them anyway.”
2. ‘Unsubstantiated conclusive’ Thinking pattern– You tend to make a lot of conclusions without any evidence to back up your conclusions. This can be a really destructive pattern as it can limit you in seeing reality for what it is e.g. “He walks a bit funny, he must be gay.” (I actually heard someone saying this about a colleague last week).
3. ‘Never to me’ Thinking pattern – This is when you think nothing good will ever happen to you. This can be a deep seated way of thinking and it is a deep down inability to believe you are worthy of anything good happening to you e.g. “I’ll never have money, I’ve never had it before so I’ll never have it in the future, might as well carry on with this shitty job, at least it pays the mortgage.”
4. ‘The negative psychic’ Thinking pattern – Presuming you know what people are thinking about you and it’s all bad. e.g. “She thinks I’m an idiot, I’ll try to avoid talking to her.”
5. ‘Should, would, could’ Thinking pattern – This type of person knows what they have to do to change their life, they are capable and they know it and they would do it if only……… e.g. “I know I could go to university and I would, but I’m just to busy with other things right now, I’ll apply next year.”
6. ‘Emotion based’ Thinking pattern – Your emotions control what you are thinking and therefore your vision of what reality is e.g. “I feel incapable of doing that so I must be incapable”.
7. ‘It’s all my fault’ Thinking pattern – You see yourself as being the cause of everything bad that has happened e.g. “It’s my fault he left me for another woman.” You’ll notice this type of person does not take responsibility for the good things that happen.
8. ‘They’re all wrong’ Thinking pattern – You see everyone as incapable of doing anything right and your way is the best way to do it e.g. “He can’t do it right, I’ll stay late tonight and fix it when he’s gone.”

These are just some of the common thinking patterns I have come across in my life and I have used some of them myself, I used to use mix the ‘Never to me’ and ‘The negative psychic’ thinking patterns about everything, “She’ll never go out with me she thinks I’m an idiot.” I made a conscious effort to change what I believed about myself and what I believed about the world and it has literally changed my life.

How to change the destructive thinking patterns

The first stage of changing is to recognise the problem – You will find a lot of people in life who just don’t think there is a problem so there is no need to change. If this is you then do nothing. If you want to change you must think there is a need and you will start to recognise what things need to change and it usually starts with your perception of life. Everybody’s perception of life is different, therefore everyone’s reality is different. I don’t live in the same world as you and you don’t live in the same world as me. That might sound a strange concept to some people, but think about it for a few minutes, it could change the way you see the world. I’ll give you an example:

In 2004 I took a redundancy package from my place of employment and received about £10,000 for my troubles, not a lot at all when I was earning £25,000 a year when I left. I was speaking to my friend about it and he thought I was absolutely nuts to do it, especially since I was married with two children. I explained to him how free I felt and what plans I had to start an online book dealing business and my wife was right behind me. He still thought I was crazy. My perception of the world was one of opportunity, life was great and I was free from the rat race for a while and I would get to see my wife and children a lot more than I had, I was ecstatic and if it didn’t work out I had a lot of skills to offer another employer. My friends perception was one of doom and gloom, he needed the security of a full time job even though he hated it and was working 12 hours per day. It turns out I worked at it for 1 year made a good profit but gave it up due to a huge downturn in business. At the end of it I was still optimistic as I knew I was good enough to get another job until I could do something else.

Everybody’s view of the world is different and it all comes down to the thinking patterns you use in your daily life. If you think life is wonderful you will notice the wonderful things in your life, if you think life is shit you will find shit things about life. Change your thoughts and you literally change the world you are living in. First you have to recognise your destructive thinking pattern.

The second stage is to be aware of when you are using the destructive thinking patterns – We can employ different thinking patterns depending on what we are doing in life. For example you could use a positive thinking pattern at work as you are very confident in your ability and yet use a destructive one when it comes to looking for love. Recognising when you use destructive thinking patterns can help you to change that pattern. Now that you have recognised when you use the destructive thinking patterns it is now time to change it.

The third stage is to replace the bad with the good – This is something that you don’t do immediately. You don’t say to yourself ‘I’ll never be able to do that”, which is you old thinking pattern, to “Oh yes I can”. That won’t work. You have to let the old pattern die slowly whilst slowly introducing your new improved thinking pattern. Here an example:

You are out in a club and you want to talk to someone you are attracted to. Your thoughts are “ She’ll never talk to me, she’s gorgeous.” You will immediately recognise this pattern of thinking and tell yourself something good about yourself e.g. “I’m good at _______(FILL IN THE BLANK), it can be anything. This will not immediately help your situation but it will slowly begin to change your old destructive thinking pattern with a new one.

This stage takes place over time and is not done immediately. The best time to change a destructive thinking pattern is to let it run it’s course and slowly replace it with a thinking pattern that is better for you. I know people want a microwave life, stick it in the micro and it’s ready in 3 minutes, your life is not like that and you cannot change in 1 day, unless something drastic happens.
You can work on more than 1 destructive thinking pattern at a time.

To recap

To change your thinking pattern you have to

Recognise
Be aware
Slowly change and introduce a new thinking pattern
Keep working on all your destructive thinking patterns

Change your life with your new way of thinking

Recognising and changing your way of thinking can be a long process depending on what patterns of thinking you employ and how badly you want to change. People can change, do change and change for the rest of their lives, I know I have, so don’t be thinking you’ll never be able to change, you can and you will if you really want to.

After a few months you will see a huge difference in your life and you will want to use your new way of thinking to good effect. You will start to notice new types of people enter into your life who can help you reach the goals you have in life and in turn you will help them reach their goals, don’t worry about how just now.
Take time to think about your goals and take the time often to do this. I take time every day to think about where I want to be in life and slowly but surely it happens. Personally I find it better in the morning to really think about my goals and then again at night just before I am falling asleep. It works for me but you will have to experiment a little to find your way of thinking about your goals.